First, thank you for being an audience for my piece – “Knowledge You Are”.
I start with sharing that I am a third generation Hmong artist. While my parents spoke English and achieved an associates degree, they still did not achieve the “American Dream”, and so it fell onto my shoulders to continue this generational mission. My parents worked tirelessly to make ends meet, so my grandmother raised me during my early childhood. She taught me Hmong, classic fables, and many life lessons. Out of the thousands of pages I read in graduate school, she continues to be my most reputable philosopher and teacher.
I wrote this out of hurt. And I was hurting – a lot. Bitter is my favorite word to describe my years in the American education system. I dedicated years of my self-worth in achieving “knowledge”. I was jealous when my friends went into the advanced English classes. I was anxious during my assessments, afraid of being “behind”. And I felt lost when I finally reached “perfection”, then had to unlearn it all. I always faulted myself for not knowing enough, particularly the rules (even though they are socially constructed, biased, and ever-changing). I found being an American citizen and fluent in English, isolated me as I would never be “American” enough. When I compromised Hmong acquisition for English, I realized my efforts were in vain — I would never be “Hmong” enough now either. But, I’ve begun to find my voice again, even if it is in the language I grew to despise.
This piece is a way to illustrate how “knowledge” is a fluid definition for me. I retraced my most painful memories in hopes that you, the audience, who share similar reflections can see that pain is the failure of a system. This system neglects our histories, punishes our difference, and attempts to make us uniform to the hegemonic. When we face this violence, it attempts to destroy our coalition in divisive ways. It makes us battle each other to determine whose pain is worse than another and teaches us to abandon our people. I believe that listening is one of the many acts to combat these injustices.
In hopes of minimizing the same academic violence I endured, I bolded jargony words to make this piece accessible. I often felt stupid when a big word or names of an author I didn’t know were dropped. Unfortunately, I find sometimes the best words to describe my ideas are the big words. I also sprinkle quotes from my favorite authors, artists, and thinkers across the disciplines of humanities. This is a way to showcase my knowledge as an intimate conversation with these activists and philosophers. These thinkers, many being endarkened feminist epistemologists, became my solace in naming the bitterness.
I grew to value books again and think back to Toni Morrison, as she calls books “a form of political action. Books are knowledge. Books are reflections. Books change your mind.” They’ve greatly informed my research and my own way of life. Aside from published books, the most valuable teachers are my intellectual graduate friends and our robust conversations on the academy. You have tenderly cared for me, so much so, that I have found the confidence to speak again.
I’d like to send you off with another tidbit of knowledge from Angela Davis, a Black American feminist activist and thinker: “Our histories never unfold in isolation. We cannot truly tell what we consider to be our own histories without knowing the other stories. And often we discover that those other stories are actually our own stories.”
Reader, I encourage you to seek your own stories, along with those around you. From humans, the rocks and streams, and from places of banality. In valuing what they are saying, we can continue amending the pains to create a nourishing future.
I, too, hope to see you speak of knowledge in the future.
Thank you.
Definitions of Bolded Words
Hegemonic – the dominance of one group over another
Neoliberalism – a theory defined by Grace K Hong as a way of thought that believes social inequalities are no longer present (i.e. racism, sexism, ableism), but actually still exists in the background in ways that people neglect and/or defend as “normal”.
Polysemic – single word or phrase with many meanings
Precariously – unstably, uncertainly
Humanities – study of humans and disciplines including literature, art, history, and philosophy
Epistemologists – people studying knowledge
Banality – the day to day, normality
References
Ahmed, S. (2017). Living a feminist life. Duke University Press.
Davis, A. Y., West, C., & Barat, F. (2016). Freedom Is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement (1st ed.).Haymarket Books.
Dillard, C. B. (2000). The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen: Examining an endarkened feminist epistemology in educational research and leadership. International Journal of Qualitative Studies in Education, 13(6), 661–681. https://doi-org.ezp3.lib.umn.edu/10.1080/09518390050211565
Foucault, M. & Rabinow, P. (1984). The Foucault reader: An introduction to Foucault’s thought, with major new unpublished material (1st ed.). Pantheon Books.
Hong, G. K. (2015). Death beyond disavowal : the impossible politics of difference. University of Minnesota Press.
hooks, b. (1994). Teaching to transgress : education as the practice of freedom. Routledge.
Lorde, A. (1984). Sister outsider: essays and speeches. Crossing Press.
Lorde, A. (2018). The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house. In Penguin Modern series (Vol. 23). Penguin Books.
Morrison, T. (1994). Lecture and speech of acceptance upon the award of the Nobel Prize for literature : delivered in Stockholm on the seventh of December, nineteen hundred and ninety-three (1st ed.). A.A. Knopf.
Vuong, O. (2019). On Earth we’re briefly gorgeous : a novel. Penguin Press.
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